Saturday, October 31, 2009

The Lizzie McGuire Movie

So I've been sick for the past few days and after watching countless episodes of Charmed (which apparently I watch now) and playing hours upon hours of Farmville on facebook (come be my neighbor!) I've started watching movies we have around the house.

It started with The Thomas Crowne Affair, which is always fun. Then Will went off to watch some deeply disturbing movie that he didn't invite me to because he knew I'd probably never recover from, and I decided to go the opposite route and watch Center Stage. Which is always a fun dance feel-good movie. Then I discovered that I also own The Baby-sitters Club movie, which, who knew? Also, did you know that they have episodes of the tv-show on YouTube? Now I know what I'll be watching tomorrow!

I'm currently watching The Lizzie McGuire Movie, which I also didn't realize I had. This movie? Is kind of ridiculous.

So Lizzie graduates from the eighth grade (which, am I the only one who went to a school that didn't have an actual graduation for the 8th grade? The first time I got to wear those fashionable gowns and flat caps was when I finished high school) and then went on a school trip to Rome, with her bff Gordo (who has a crush on her, but she doesn't know it) and her archenemy Kate (who she ends up rooming with, of course). As with most 13 year olds who go on school trips to Rome, it turns out she looks EXACTLY like a Italian signer that's one half of a famous duo, except Lizzie's a blonde and Isabella's a brunette. She meets Paulo, who's all "Hi strange American girl who has never heard of me, let's go around Italy alone together." And Lizzie's all "Sure!" Because she is an idiot. She hops on his little motorcycle thing and goes through the streets of Italy, with a strange boy, basically unsupervised. What are these people thinking? This is a REALLY BAD IDEA. Anyways, Isabella's MIA for some reason I didn't catch, but they're supposed to perform at the The International Music Video Awards so Paulo convinces her to perform with him, saying she can lip sync and they'll play a track in the background.

As a side note, I fail to understand why, if Isabella is such a HUGE musician that she's presenting at the The International Music Video Awards, why no one has told Lizzie that she looks like her. I mean, they may live in middle America, but these people sing English songs, so I don't know why there's not one person who hasn't seen a picture of her before and was like "Hey, Lizzie, here's your double, but with brown hair."

So anyways, Paulo and Lizziebella go around town, because apparently they have lots of free time that they don't need to spend learning the choreography for the awards show, and pose for pictures and sign stuff. At one point, when she's signing some guy's arm she writes Liz, then realizes she's supposed to be Isabella, not Lizzie, and then scratches it out and writes Isabella. Why are these people so stupid? That's totally obvious. I mean, she dyed her hair AND she forgot her name in the same week? Something is up, guys.

They spend an afternoon on the choreography for the show, because apparently that's all they need, and Paulo teaches her that when you lip sync you should sing also, because it looks more real, and the volume on your mike is down anyways. While they're out doing that, the teacher decides to go check on Lizzie and realizes she's not there, and then Gordo said it was all a ruse so that HE could sneak out, and the principal in charge of the trip, instead of being all "Um, that makes no sense, because she's not here, but you are," is all "I KNEW you were trouble!" and sends Gordo home.

Apparently when you send a 13 year old boy home from Rome it consists of buying him a ticket and dropping him off at the gate, without ensuring that he actually gets on the plane. Because, sure enough, he doesn't, because he runs into Isabella who tells him Paulo is trouble - he always lip syncs, but he's not going to put the track for Lizziebella this time, so she will singing for real, sound horrible, and ruin her career. But they find Lizzie in the NICK of time at the concert, and Isabella uses her own voice to cover for Lizzie, and turns down Paulo's track, so the world hears his voice.

And damn is it bad.

How is Paulo SUCH a bad singer? (see 1:15) Like, I could get that he's not amazing or whatever, but this boy sounds like a 13 year old whose voice is in the middle of cracking. It's really, really bad. How did he become a singer in the first place? Of course he gets found out, and then Isabella convinces Lizzie, who as far as I remember has never had any singing training in the series (and I'd know, because I watched this show regularly when I was in college) to sing onstage, sans track, in front of thousands. And sounds good. What? I mean, I get it, Hillary Duff needed to boost her singing career, but can we have a little setup or realism here? Also, Paulo should have probably found out whether or not Lizzie's voice was good, because since she's apparently amazing his plan wouldn't have worked anyways, since Lizzie can actually sing.

After the performance they go back to the hotel, and Lizzie's parents (who flew all the way to Rome because they missed her, which, WHAT? and then managed to get to the performance in the NICK of time and see it) tell her she's grounded for the rest of the summer and she kisses Gordo on top of the hotel looking over Rome. And then there are fireworks, which I'm not sure if they're meant to be metaphorical or if that was just really good timing for the kiss. Aaaaaand, credits.

This movie is completely ridiculous. And I own it. And will watch it again. Go figure.


  1. Why are these people so stupid? That's totally obvious. I mean, she dyed her hair AND she forgot her name in the same week? Something is up, guys.

    I always thought this movie would have benefitted from a little nod to the audience like in Dave where they show the conspiracy theorists on the TV talking about how the President isn't the President anymore.

    I actually never thought that until just now, but I'm committing to it now. They should have had some European veejay or gossip columnist being like "WHAT IS UP WITH ISABELLA LATELY?"

    I loooove Lizzie's red heels that she wears when Paolo takes her into a deserted theatre and teaches her to dance. That is the thing I remember the most about that movie.

  2. I own it, too!!!!! OMG TWINSIES.

    I think Lizzie looks way better as a brunette.


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